We understand that we come into this world and leave it alone. In between is the tricky part and at times we long for that sense that we are part of something greater than ourselves. I am not sure if this is a developmental stage in adulthood, something we didn't 'finish' during adolescence, an understanding of our need for each other or something else. This need for acceptance and belonging seems universal, however, and perhaps is the glue that can bind us together as humans.
Some of us satisfy this need through tradition, religion, a political party, devotion to a community or cause, the arts, good friends or our nuclear family. Others may attempt to silence the longing through addiction and destructive behaviors. After a certain age, however, it becomes clear for most of us that some desires cannot be fulfilled with anything material or through another person.
Learning about my ancestors and what I call my 'tribe' has always seemed to provide a sense of belonging for me. It keeps me from feeling too isolated from humanity as it provides the sense of place, time and belonging I receive from knowing who my people were. In fact, I can imagine some of my ancestors were quite terrified as they boarded the Mayflower and anticipated the danger. Others would have been like my seafaring father, thrilled with the idea of a grand adventure.
When my ancestor (pictured above in a bronze statue), Jean Nicolet, made the voyage to 'New France' as a 20-year-old man in 1618, where did he find the bravery to accept an assignment from Governor Champlain? This great-grandfather lived with the Native Americans and learned their language and a way of life that had nothing in common with his childhood in France. By all accounts he was a virtuous and pious man, and great-grandfather Nicolet was as loyal to France as he was to the Roman Catholic Church. He also was able to adapt well enough to live independently among the Nipissing tribe from 1620 to 1628, but how did he end up having a daughter, my ancestor, with a Nipissing woman named Giizis (my 10th great-grandmother on that side)?
What made him reunite with this daughter later and bring her back to Quebec City? When she was 15 the records show he married her off to another Frenchman, by the name of Jean LeBlanc. When this 10th great-grandfather Nicolet married Marguerite Couillard in 1637, where was his first 'wife' Giizis? Had he retrieved his daughter because her mother died, or was his legal marriage to a Frenchwoman the only one that mattered in his eyes or the eyes of his church? I have more research to do if I want to know, but there may not be any recorded answers. The Jesuits did some biographical work on this great-grandfather, but I doubt if they would have wanted to record much about his dalliance with Giizis. Then again, I may be wrong, so I am keeping my French-English dictionary handy and have bookmarked the Google Translator site. Armed as well with that old French grammar still rolling around in my head, I can read most of the historical records.
I know that great-grandfather Nicolet also 'discovered' Wisconsin in 1635, and there are monuments and murals in his honor there. Then he had a few children with Marguerite as well, but he died in 1642 in a canoe drowning. It was not because it was particularly treacherous - although it was during a storm - but because he did not know how to swim. This is completely weird to me, as everyone in my family learned to swim by 4 or 5 years old at the latest. It was a matter of pride and honor. We were seacoasters, you see. Still, I don't remember my mother swimming much, but I think she was too concerned about her hair, an obsession I surely inherited.:) My mother had the most beautiful mane of hair. My husband and daughters, who also have that 'movie star' thick, beautiful, shiny, wavy hair, look much more like her than I do. Ah well, the hair will show up in future generations again if we're lucky.
There are so many stories of my female ancestors on that French Canadian side that I have only recently uncovered. One ancestor married a French Quebec soldier and spent her honeymoon in a canoe with him and his regiment when he was being transferred to Detroit. How this woman coped with all these Frenchman - there was even a murder that occurred on the trip - rapids, the canoe, the Native Americans they encountered, the culture gap and the challenges of pioneer life is beyond me. Yet she had two daughters while they were stationed there and the four of them returned to Quebec seemingly happy and unharmed.
Two other great-grandmothers, a widowed Frenchwoman and daughter, were 'Filles de Roi', or 'daughters of the king', part of 800 to 1000 Frenchwomen sponsored by King Louis between 1663 and 1673 when he wanted to prove his claim on Quebec by showing growing populated settlements. He selected women from three classes, they were sent to Quebec and the French soldiers were allowed to propose to the women. In France most marriages were still arranged by families, so the offer to these women to select their own husbands must have been of great appeal. The legal age for women to marry at the time was 12, with boys held back until 14. The Frenchwomen in Quebec managed to almost double the population within ten years, so it was a very good investment on the King's part to pay for their passage and dowries.
I have a tiny concept of what it felt like to be in an 'alien' land with two small children and my husband, as I lived out of the country for three years when I was in my thirties. Of course, we didn't take two or three months to sail across an ocean and we were able to fly back and see family when it was important. The msot inconvenient thing I experienced was a shortage once in a while of American-style frozen vegetables. We lived in Mexico City while there and I learned to speak Spanish, the art of Mexican cooking and so much about Latin culture (and my own by contrast) that my life was truly enriched. I also came to appreciate what it means to be a loving, supportive family, in a culture that revers aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews and cousins as much as mom, dad, grandma and grandpa. After a spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child, strict New England upbringing, I was able to choose a different style of child-rearing for my own family and that alone enriched my life more than I could ever describe in a blog.
My biggest and most dangerous adventure occurred when I was 19, although is pale by comparison to my forebearers. I moved 3,000 miles away from my hometown by myself. Going from a small town in New England to Los Angeles was not only culture shock but probably an incredibly stupid thing to do as unprepared as I was. Smog was a horrible shock, as was the dried-out, brown appearance of the city by late September. As a silly example, I was naive enough to think that California was just like the Beach Boys' songs. It was expensive to ship things in those days, so I hadn't packed an umbrella, a raincoat or any winter clothes. When that first 'moonsoon' hit in January a few months later, I got the drenching of my life. I also learned how to do a little research before I gave into impulse.
There are some things we learn only through experience, of course, but others from our ancestors. May you find your wisdom where your destiny leads you, whether that is back in time or forward in life.
